Ya Está: Q1 Check-in on 2022 Goals
I am behind on things that I, if not the U.S. government, recognize as entirely arbitrary.
My tax returns. (I filed for an extension though, don’t you worry!)
Getting my gallery wall framed and up in my new house. (More on that in a second.)
Writing and posting this Q1 2022 goals check-in.
I’m embracing being behind. It’s the Spanish way, after all. The long lunch is but a metaphor for a life of leaning away from efficiency and reliability and towards full-throated enjoyment of that which matters most. (Which is sometimes a 10:30 a.m. beer and bocadillo.)
But I’m not Spanish.
Even though I’m building another carapace of personality to layer over my past versions—a new set of values and cultural references and expectations that fit a little loosely around the shoulders but that, if past experience is any indicator, I will likely grow into in time, and grow adept at switching out with other hard-earned perspectives—I am, at my core, a person who likes when things (and people, and weather, and a favorite author’s new release) are reliable and good.
So even though I am sick, and feeling mighty bad for myself as I push thimble-sized paracetamol pills through crinkly matte foil (because apparently Europe is allergic to the satisfying rattle of pill bottles, citing efficiency gains) and reflect on lo mal que los españoles me cayen últimamente—you know how when you’re under the weather everything gets tinged with negativity? I am coming up on three days of feeling icky while also learning about a Spanish man I went out with who cheated on his girlfriend of five years and debased himself even further with his ridiculous intent to cover it up, and also hearing right-wing Spaniards try to convince me that their country would be doing better if Franco was still in charge, and also watching familias pijas spend Mother’s Day obsessing over their designer outfits and cutting their eyes at working-class moms in elastic-cuffed jeans, and I’m still very happy to have moved to this country but I’m wondering when, if ever, I’ll make real valenciano friends—I will still write this update.
(Did you think I was going to write in shorter sentences because my feverish brain feels as full of holes as a wiffle ball? Ni en pedo. You’re getting the most unhinged, unedited update yet. Buckle in.)
Cherish and invest in community + intimacy.
- Find a long-term, in-person community again, and my own space within it. How? Move to Valencia, I hope, and plug into the scene there. Build a group of friends and have a home base from which to explore. Find an apartment and invest in making it feel like home. Host people often.
Ladies and gentlemen! Break out the gold stars! Press them in my hair, along my spine, between my toes! Dust me in their incandescence!
After a not-small mental breakdown that we can lovingly lay at the feet of the Spanish embassy, I got my visa at the very end of February and moved to Valencia on March 7. After several rounds of realtor-induced heartbreak, I moved into my apartment on March 22. In the month since, I’ve spent time and a bit too much money on making it feel like home: dishes and plants; a house scent (we love u Zara Home); stupidly good sheets; several pieces of art that will eventually be a gallery wall above my couch; a panty stocked with enough food to make multiple meals without leaving the house.
And oh, have I hosted. Two long-weekend houseguests, two dinner parties, many a night of reading and cooking and spilling wine and stories.
This is a strong win.
- Show up for my loved ones and bring them together. How? Say yes to things. Be a good friend, and by good I mean honest, dependable, generous, and kind. Go to Katie’s wedding in August, and plan a US trip around it to see other loved ones. Plan an event for my birthday in August in Spain. Spend two weeks with Anna in Italy. Regularly attend and throw other events: dinner parties, game nights, art classes.
Ah! I think a win, because plans are on track—I’ve just spent half an hour today, actually, playing around with flight options for the August trip—but I also think I need to add some nuance to this goal.
I’m feeling burnt out lately because I’ve said yes to too much. It’s as important for me to remember how to communicate and honor my limits as it is for me to make sure other people are having the best possible time within theirs, I think. I want to focus more on that this next quarter.
- Improve my Spanish and be able to make and maintain relationships in it. How? Above all, move to a Spanish-speaking space and live my daily life at least partially in that language. In addition, read at least five books in Spanish this year and build at least two all-Spanish friendships.
Okay! So we have three contenders for Spanish friendships, which makes me happy, and I’m on my second Spanish book of the year, so we’re doing well on that front, too. But, and this is a big one: the majority of people I regularly interact with here in Valencia are other English speakers, and I can see the gap between where I want to be with my Spanish and where the trajectory I’m currently on will get me to. I don’t know what to do about it yet. But I’m going to work on it. A maybe.
- Keep up with my virtual creative communities and learn with them. How? Participate enthusiastically in English-language book club (LSBC) and writers’ group (The Light Brigade) and successfully manage Spanish-language book club (Las Que Leen) each month. Evaluate creating / joining an in-person creative group once I have my footing.
A strong maybe! LSBC has been on pause for a while, though not by my decision. The Light Brigade brings me unreasonable amounts of joy and is about to celebrate its first anniversary, and Las Que Leen celebrated its first anniversary at the end of March. I’m proud of these communities and these spaces, and I’m ready to start exploring more in-person options.
- Be in love. How? Stay optimistic. Put myself out there. Be open and brave.
See how I wrote this? Sometimes I shock even myself with how clever I can be. Such a multi-faceted mission to fulfill. What if I’m in love with myself? With my life? With leaping before the net has appeared?
I know what I meant by this, and by outcome space, it’s not yet a win, because I’m not in love with one person. But it feels wrong to call it a fail, because I am being open and brave, and as a result am pulling in experiences and inspiration and growth hand-over-fist.
And we love to see that.
Take care of me.
- Move my body often. How? Be outside for at least an hour a day when weather permits. Hit an average of 10,000 steps/day or more. Be in the ocean every month. When I’m in one place, find classes—dance, Pilates, lifting, whatever—that I like and do them regularly.
Yes! Win. Found an incredible dance studio in Crown Heights when I was still in Brooklyn. Walked everywhere, always, all winter. And here in Valencia, the classes are Jess’s Peloton strength workouts (we get to!!!!), and I didn’t think I could come to love a little disembodied voice piped through AirPods so much. Plus running, when my body isn’t failing me, and lots of walking, when I’m not leaving late for things.
- Enforce my boundaries. How? Don’t put myself in situations where I can’t take care of myself, or where I will be treated in ways that make me physically and emotionally uncomfortable. Prioritize relationships based on who respects them. Say “no” more often.
Probably a fail right now, with the previously-mentioned overextending I’ve been doing lately. I am, however, learning how to say “no” to work, if not to people, so baby steps?
I’m doubling down on the fail thing. I haven’t slept well in way too long, and that’s very much my own fault.
- Eat things I love but in a balanced way. How? Cook for myself at least half the time. Don’t live in extremes of three weeks eating on the road and then a week of penance afterwards. Bring more balance into my day-to-day.
Hmmm. A maybe? I’m only recently starting to cook for myself, in my house, with my dishes. It hasn’t been happening enough for me to claim it as a win. But even when I’m not cooking, I’m eating my little European picnic meals—bread and cheese and meat and lettuce and fruit—and they make me feel good in all the ways that matter. So there’s that. And I did a good job of this in my Brooklyn apartment, too.
Enjoy current freedom and optimize for future freedom.
- Make enough money to live comfortably wherever I want, including some portion of the year in New York City, and to be saving to buy a place of my own in future. How? Gross 200k in my business this year, successfully deal with the massive and massively complicated EU / US tax burdens to come with it, and save half or more of what’s left post-tax.
It feels wild to see that at the beginning of this year, I wanted to save to buy a place. Where might that be, Katherine? I can’t imagine it right now, but maybe that’s because I’m still reeling from the process of finding (renting) an apartment here, and doing anything more permanent feels light years away.
I’m not doing a great job of saving, but I am doing a great job of grossing money, so this will be a maybe.
- Better manage my money. How? Have enough net worth to justify and pay for a financial advisor by the end of the year who can help me with some of the bigger decisions. Clean up my money habits by going back to daily tracking of spending + bimonthly review of trends.
A big fail. I am spending money like it is a made-up concept I don’t entirely believe in, which, fair, but also, not ideal. I haven’t tracked my spending in a month and I’m not on track to meet that net worth goal. I think I could get there if I massively rein it in over the next eight months, but I’m not sure I want to do that, either. Let’s see how I’m doing at midyear? It was a fairly arbitrary number anyways.
- Solidify my business. How? Exceed expectations on my current contracts and build a pipeline of 2-3 future ones. Experiment with passive income when possible and aligned with my values. Hone my product offering into the things I really like to do, and say no to opportunities that aren’t on that list.
Hmmm. I don’t have enough systematic feedback yet (building a pipeline for that is a goal for this year though!), but I think this is probably a maybe. The pipeline is haphazard but flowing. The passive income isn’t something I care to pursue right now. I am getting better at saying no, but wow, is it hard.
- Take real time off. How? Take at least four weeks of pure vacation, no work being done. If that means disrupting my average weekly hours worked, fine, but have more stretches of time off.
A maybe. I did take a week+ this quarter, broken up into four days and a few extra days, too, and I didn’t work during it. But I also worked during all of Puerto Rico, which was stressful, and I haven’t done a good enough job of conveying my time off to clients.
Appreciate and pursue creativity.
- Finish a big project in a way that builds towards my goal of producing something. How? I’ll give myself options here: I want to have completed a screenplay, published a long project in a reputable outlet, or drafted a book proposal.
A fail, so far. And unless I make myself do it, it will remain that way. I don’t want to focus more on this right now. It’s an outright fail.
- Write regularly. How? Six new essays, written and published (and sent to subscribers!). At least one in an outlet I respect that’s not this blog.
Late entry energy has this at almost a win. But it’s a maybe right now. I published the flan essay, and finished one other essay that I’d like to submit somewhere, and have started two others that are about something worth saying. So on track on the creative front.
But I’m not pitching enough. I want to come back at the end of next quarter having put myself out there more regularly.
- Read widely and regularly. How? Let’s go for a minimum of 5 books/month.
On track, exactly, to be a win, with an average of 5.4 books/month this birthday year. And wider than usual, lately, which I’m really thrilled about.
Time is a construct
I wrote about this in my kickoff to 2022 goals, but it feels entirely and newly true again now.
I wrote the above last night. I spent a few minutes just now going through my photos from Q1 to pick a few to scatter throughout this post. And seeing a visual representation of the last three+ months made me realize I very much forgot how I spent a full two-thirds of this quarter.
It wasn’t just Spain and settling in and finding connections here.
It was a month and a half in New York, hosting game night and seeing my sister and dancing in the street in big faux-fur-lined coats full of crushes and secrets.
It was ten days in Puerto Rico, driving myself around the island and giving in to every last demand of my body, from sun to saltwater to fried seafood empanadas eaten alone on the top deck at sunset, accompanied by virgin piña coladas.
It was visiting family in Chicago and driving back to the east coast feeling equal parts obligated and overextended and appreciative.
That is the lesson I will take into what remains of this second quarter.
Everything passes. Quicker than we think. Little of what I have now will matter to even me in a few days, weeks, months. It’s terrifying and gratifying at the same time.
Everything passes. Patience gains all. Paying attention alone is enough.