2020 End-of-Year Goals Check-In
I hold no illusions that the world will change when the clock strikes midnight tonight.
We will still be living in a country that is mismanaging a pandemic, built on a capitalistic system that disproportionally punishes people of color, led by an out-of-touch man who won’t do enough to change the status quo (even if he’s from a different party this time).
We will still be ourselves, multi-faceted and fallible. All of the things we’ve been working on, things about our bodies and minds and abilities and hearts and decision-making processes, will show up just as they are; there’s no real blank slate, no wiping clean, no new beginning.
And yet.
And yet, I will be looking ahead at my to-come 2021 goals. I will be dreaming of the places I will go, the things I will try, the people I will love, and the lessons I will learn.
I will also be looking back at the year that was 2020. We have to measure time some way, and we’ve decided on years, so at the close of one and the cusp of another, I will engage in one of my favorite rituals: marking to market.
I love doing this. Taking a moment to chart a year’s worth of change, to measure it and feel its weight, makes me feel like it’s all worth it: the pain alchemized to growth, the fear paid off in pride, the exertion turned to progress. It has all been worth it, even if the changes weren’t exactly what I thought they’d be when I first decided to measure them. Maybe especially then.
Let us begin. For the last time in 2020, following check-ins after Q1, Q2, and Q3, I’ll share the goals I wrote at the beginning of the year, whether they are a win (accomplished; we did it, Joe!), a fail (not accomplished), or a maybe (semi-accomplished), and what that means to me.
Keep traveling to new places and reflecting on who I am in them.
1. Travel continuously. How? Be on the road for at least four months of the year.
I will call this a win. On a literal front, I spent the entirety of the year in temporary homes, whether in Mexico or Guatemala or Washington or Michigan. Though I wasn’t traveling from city to city every few days, I got to experience new places, even if in isolation. More importantly, I reflected on the kinds of places I’d like to be, and even though the apex of what any place could be for me was obscured by the pandemic, I remembered again what matters to me. A simple but deeply-felt example? Winter, nay; ready access to the great outdoors, very much a yay.
2. Keep figuring out where I want to call home. How? Travel the rest of Central America and see if there’s anywhere that feels like home. Write a list of qualities I’d like in my future home + a list of places that come close. Figure out where to go after a US trip mid-2020 and go there.
I’ll call this a maybe. I have my list of future-home qualities. I didn’t make it all the way through Central America, but what I did see made me feel less like home’s likely to be in Nicaragua than it is back in Buenos Aires or Montevideo. BA is still the place in Latin America I’ve felt most at home in, and of course a large part of that is because of the community and partner I had while I was there, but it’s also because of the environment, the climate, the food, the politics, the architecture, and the general sense of a place that just agreed with me. I’m not planning on running back to BA and shooting out roots just yet, but it’s good to know I felt more at home there than I did in Mexico City or other places I’ve seen this year.
I spent much of Q4 back in Michigan, in Ann Arbor, which feels so much like home. While I love it here and always will, I don’t want to set up long-term in this city or even state anytime soon. I want to be somewhere that feels different. I’m hoping that somewhere like Madrid, London, Berlin, or Amsterdam will be that place, at least for a while, and that 2021 will allow me to explore that—but that’s a goal for the next blog.
3. Reflect on how travel influences me and teaches me. How? Write at least one big travel-focused reflection essay a quarter.
I will count this as a win, though as I noted last quarter, the travel has been more internal, by nature of what this year has been. My most recent essay in this vein is on the concept of home, and while I haven’t published it yet, I hope to soon.
Maintain financial independence while pursuing a balance of professional and lifestyle fulfillment.
1. Make enough money writing and editing to fund my travels while not working so much I can’t enjoy the travel itself. How? Make 3k/month while not working more than 20 hours/week.
This is a win thrice over, and I’m very proud of myself. I’ve backed into this version of professional / financial success, having happened upon different ways to structure it. A “how I made $100,00 this year” freelance writing blog I came across in late 2019 made me realize that a freelancer could make serious money. A writing-focused podcast reinforced my personal belief that working 40 hours/week (yet alone 50, 60, 70) isn’t the only way, and that if you’re going to take on all of the risk of being your own boss you have every right to define the rewards, too. Other self-employed people I’ve found on Twitter have made me feel like there is a community I should do a better job of tapping into and learning from, but that I’m certainly not alone in finding a way to walk the line between my interests and ambition.
The numbers aren’t so much what I care about. I don’t need to make six figures or never see my Toggl tracker rise above 20 hours/worked, though I’m happy I did. Those are metrics to keep an eye on to make sure I’m doing what I want to do with my time on this earth: enjoy it, and help facilitate other people enjoying theirs, too, whether that’s being a good friend or volunteering with non-profits or any other number of things.
The metrics and what they measure were both a big win this year, and that feels great.
2. Manage money responsibly. How? Keep daily travel tracker, pay off 2019 taxes and get ahead of 2020 quarterly taxes, and develop better system for invoicing.
A win. I’ll have to improve my expenses tracking system again, especially now that I’ll be in the States for the foreseeable future and settling into regular expenditures like rent again, but my 2019 taxes weren’t a problem and I have a separate bank account with 2020’s taxes waiting and ready.
And as improved as my do-it-yourself invoicing was this year, I’ll be moving to official software to help streamline my accounting and payroll now that I’m an LLC. More on that in next year’s goals, too!
3. Maintain nest egg. Stretch goal: contribute to it. How? Do not touch “back to real life” savings and ideally, add to them.
A win. I saved for retirement this year, will be setting up a SEP IRA for next year to do even more of that, and had enough money left over to buy a used car to help get me around the States in the short-term. Hurray!
Grow as a writer and creator.
1. Work with more editors and reach more readers. How? Publish in at least five new outlets, at least one of which to be print. Specifically, I’d like to write more book reviews, women at work stories, tech stories, travel pieces, and personal essays this year.
A win. I did publish in five new outlets—WSJ (print), Slate, Teen Vogue, Fodors, Nerdist—and wrote about tech, women, pop culture, and my own life. I also pitched a fair amount in Q4, at least double what I pitched in Q2-3, with only a few bites; that’s okay, I’ll keep working at it. I’ve also written two new essays, one of which I hope to place and one of which I’ll publish on this blog. I’ve also learned more about what I want to be writing, and it’s personal essays + criticism (books, shows, celebrity culture, etc.). Maybe I’ll report a few stories next year, and maybe I’ll keep my service journalism column to keep my interview skills fresh. But I also hope to write many more essays.
2. Grow my community. How? Be active on writing Twitter and use that + Instagram to connect with other writers, maintain relationships with editors, and host some kind of writing event (not unlike my 2019 Galentines event, but focused on writing specifically).
A fail. Haven’t made a great deal of new community connections, though also haven’t tried too terribly hard. I had a few great phone calls with new friends / “colleagues” but it’s hard to maintain that connection fully virtually. And I don’t think I’m funny enough or masochistic enough to make a Twitter community really work for me. So there we are.
3. Be a top-notch content marketer and continue to gain professional experience to build into a career, if and when I stop traveling. How? Have at least 5 regular corporate clients and pitch new ones at least once a month, and ask for and act on their feedback.
A win. I have regularity, with four clients on retainer; I regularly have five or six in a month, though, so the overall goal is achieved. I recognize that I have a little bit of key risk in my two biggest clients, but I also prefer to have good, meaningful relationships with fewer clients than to try to juggle 10 at a time and constantly feel flustered and unengaged with their broader strategic goals, so I’m comfortable with where I’m at now, though I will work on building out some kind of wait list or expanded client roster next year. (Right now I just say no if I’m full up for a given month.) I regularly ask for feedback and make loops when I do get it; I thought about systemizing the ask, but that felt impersonal and unproductive.
Love and honor my body and brain.
1. Be active on a regular basis. How? Hit at least 10,000 steps a day.
I’ll give myself a maybe. My final daily step count is 9,500, thanks to some truly heroic walks in October and November that saved me from the deep lulls of March and April. It didn’t technically meet my goal, but I got damn close, and this in a pandemic year that completely changed the way I navigate the world. I’m also happy to have found the solace that my daily walks have brought and excited to continue them in 2021.
2. Eat better. How? Eat vegetables every day, dessert NOT every day, and eat meat 3-4x/week versus every day. Honestly, if I could just reverse the amount of chocolate and the amount of spinach I eat, I’d be golden. The meat thing is both for my health (the meat I most often eat is usually red meat or highly processed meat, neither of which is ideal) and for the environment’s health.
A maybe for the year as a whole, though a win for the last quarter, I think. Living with Angela had me fully embracing a pescatarian diet most of the time; I eat fish and eggs and beans and, maybe twice a week, a burger or a turkey sandwich or chicken dumplings. And as I’ve been stuck inside and cooking 90+% of each week’s meals for myself, I’ve found ways to include lots of veggies in them. I still have a sweet tooth and have sugar every day, but sometimes it’s dark-chocolate almonds instead of Cocoa Puffs so: win?
3. Continue to find ways I love to be active—and do them. How? When in one place for a while, find a Pilates studio and do that. When not, take dance classes, go for long walks, and do circuit training while I watch TV—but be active more regularly, all around.
A win, though lol at me thinking I could be in fitness studios all year round. I’ve kept up a Kayla Itsines thrice-weekly routine for most of the year, gone on daily walks, and even added a few runs in recently. I’d still like my body to look a bit different, and I know better eating + more movement will help, so more of this in 2021.
4. Read constantly and widely. How? Read three books a month, at least one of which is not a novel. Keep tracking my reading, sharing my recommendations, and asking for friends’.
Yes! Win. I’m reading about double that, around six books/month, and, especially thanks to my new book club, at least one is a non-novel. I love writing my annual post on books and talking books with anyone and everyone I come across, and over this pandemic year, I’ve come to love talking about books with myself, whether in my book journal or in essays or just out loud when I read a particularly jarring passage. It’s lovely.
5. Actually get better at reading in Spanish. How? Read one article a week in Spanish and discuss it with a Spanish-speaking friend.
A maybe. Laura and I did this together for a good part of the year, but we’re not on a weekly cadence and we’ve fallen off a bit. On a more troubling note, I can feel my Spanish slipping away a bit, especially when I go days without speaking. I’ll need to find a way to address general comprehension, not just reading, next year.
6. Try new things and be unafraid to fail at them. How? I’ll let myself not have determined all the answers re: things that might interest me, but some to start with: making sourdough bread, getting better at salsa dancing, learning more pottery and ceramics, learning the piano, picking up a new language, making jam, rock climbing, and more.
A maybe. As I wrote last quarter, the pandemic has boxed me in re: trying lots of new things, and I think not responding with excessive drive to learn them anyways is reasonable and understandable. I crocheted, I hiked, I cooked, and I read and wrote across a variety of forms, and that’s something.
Invest in my relationships and communities, even (or especially) when I’m on the road.
1. New: Re-learn how to be alone and to be enough.
Ooooomph. It feels like a disservice to the many conversations and journal pages I have filled worrying about whether I’m doing this right to call it a win. But calling it a fail feels wrong, too, because I am learning, every day, even on the days where that progress doesn’t look linear. Even on the days where I don’t believe I’m better at all. Because the net of it is that I have remembered and am continuing to remember the joys of being alone, as well as feel ready to dream about all of the version of a future in which I might not be.
I am enough, and I am good, and I am happy, and I am okay. I know that because even when I don’t feel like one or more of those things is true, I can sit with it until I see that it is.
So let’s call it a win, shall we?
2. Be a good sister and a good daughter. How? Love and accept my family. Call often. Be generous with time, forgiveness, and money. Spend a week+ with my family at least once in 2020.
I’ll echo the questions I asked last quarter and say that good is complicated.
3. Stay in touch with my friends and show them love. How? Prioritize the money and time to show up at their weddings. Call regularly—catch up with at least one person at length each week. See friends in person and invite them to come to me when I’m in one place for a while. Acknowledge that regularity does not make a friendship, but that depth of connection does, and prioritize maintaining that.
HA to weddings. A win, I think; virtual connections aren’t all I hope to have in the future, but I definitely made the most of them this year, and am grateful.
Another one (DJ Khaled voice)
We’ve made it, friends. The end of a year. Not quite the end of a pandemic, unfortunately. This year saw, for me, the end of a relationship, the end of a way of life, the end of the silly hope that people would be who I want them to be and not who they are.
But it’s also seen beginnings.
It’s seen new habits, small and barely discernable amongst the rubble but massively important. It’s seen the start of new tastes. Of new hopes, silly and otherwise. Of new ways of being, of living, whether that’s moving to a new home every three months or getting on Zoom with extended family I’d normally never see or learning to process things, thanks to therapy and friends and writing, in ways that make acceptance less dependent on outside forces. Of new pockets of joy to find and root around in for a while.
2021 is not a beginning in and of itself. We already exist and we won’t be done away with. But the paths we’re on? The things we’re doing? The people we’re surrounded by? All of those things can and will change. They’ll get jumbled up, cut off, lost, found. Years are not stop/start buttons. But reflection makes them into a pause. As always: thanks for pausing with me here.